No Sympathy Here

I had a good thing going with the whole awkward thing so I thought I would add another story. So, as many of you know, I've been trying for quite some time to have a baby. And during this sweet time of life, I've been waiting tables - just to ensure God knows I'm willing to really do anything to get a baby. (Yes, even answer the same questions all day long - and if any of you were wondering, after visiting our little establishment, the "freshly squeezed OJ" is truly freshly squeezed*, the California burger is half the size of our cheeseburger and the bathroom is down the hallway and to the left.)

So, I must also admit that while waiting tables I've "mentioned" a few times to customers that I'm trying to start a family. What? Sympathy tips are fantastic and I'm not below really anything when it comes to cold cash. Anyway, there's this slightly bizarre couple that comes in every Thursday and insists on sitting at the same table every time. (They have even asked people to move when they come in.) And what makes them even more fun is that 1. They always manage to call me a different name. Do I really look like a Carol? 2. They always order the same forsaken thing, and yet, always insist on telling me the order in full detail. (To which, I always try to interrupt them and tell them already what they are going to say, and yet, they will continue saying, "...Now please make sure the chef knows I like my tuna burger well done." Well done? A tuna burger? What a crazy order - YOU ORDER EVERY FREAKING TIME!) and 3. No, matter what, they always manage to order pancakes to go, again, a total natural progression from a tuna burger, and always manage to forget them. (This is actually their only redeeming quality.)

So, the other day we got talking and they mentioned they remembered me saying I was trying to start a family. I went to thank them for remembering, and then stopped immediately, when I saw them hand me a book entitled "I'm Okay...You're A Brat!" As I went to ask what the crap this book was about, Susan informed me she was the author, and that the book was about how it's okay to hate your kid. Yeah, you read that right - it's okay to hate your kid. Susan then proceeded to tell me how having her son was the biggest mistake of her life, and how it completely ruined every thing she wanted to accomplish. Now, I should mention, though you have probably already gathered this, Susan has a PhD (in what, I'm not sure) and according to her bio, is a best-selling author, a workshop leader, a public speaker and a media personality. (I've spoken in church a few times - does that make me a public speaker?)

Anyway, it was by far the strangest conversation I've had in a long time. I kept saying, "Well, I'm still going to try, " and Susan saying, "Well, I would think really hard about it." Finally, I just said, "Thanks for the advice. I'll keep it in mind."

I think I'm going to write a book for Susan entitled, "I'm Okay...You Are Just Freaking Weird!"

*Not really.