Penny Lover

While counting out the ridiculous amount of pennies, people leave us in our tip jar, I was reminded of a special moment I experienced in college. Okay, I probably shouldn't use the word "special" because it doesn't involve clothing the naked or feeding the hungry. But, it does involve a near death experience...

One night my freshman year in college, my coach had our entire team over for a barbecue. On the way home, the entire freshman class, which consisted of 8 people, were jammed into a Ford Explorer and a Isuzu Trooper. At the first stop sign, I grabbed a handful of powdered doughnuts and threw them at the Explorer. (I would like to say I was being an immature freshman, but if given the chance, I would do the same thing tomorrow.) In retaliation, the Explorer unleashed a handful of cut up fruit and a water bottle. And so it began. At each stop sign, we would get out of the car and throw food at each other. Eventually, we ran out of food, so we decided something a little more lethal...pennies. My roommate always had a cup full of them and I could never figure out why she had such a stash...until now. I'll never forget the sound of those pennies pinging off the hood of the Explorer.

Now, this is where the fun took a bad turn...after the last stop sign the Explorer got in front of us, and while driving through a narrow bridge, decided to turn the wheel all of the sudden and cut off the exit. Again, 12 years ago, and I can still remember putting my foot on the dashboard, and while screaming, "Brakkeee!!!" seeing the horrified faces of my friends in the approaching Explorer. I'm happy to report that my roommate didn't hit the Explorer, but I did wet my pants.

So, see pennies are good for nothing. One, they really can't buy anything. Two, they cause potential accidents. Three, they cause grown women to wet themselves. AND Four, they aren't substitutes for tips. Come on you cheap bastards - drop at least a quarter in.