Have you ever had the urge to just kick someone in the shins? Have you ever wanted to scream out "Who invited you anyway?" Well, I have, and, well, quite recently.
A few weeks ago my good friend Emily Madsen came to town to see Ellen DeGeneres. Because I happen to be a lucky SOB most of the time I got to go with her. I must state (and there is really no relevance for this following story other than me wanting to document it) we had a fabulous time embracing our pop culture obsessions. First, we started with a breakfast at the Blue Plate cafe. Why there? Come on, that's where Owen Wilson and Kate Hudson were spotted first when news or their relationship broke. After breakfast we headed up to Sunset to "run into" our personal favorite blogger: Perez Hilton. (Apparently, he writes his blog at a local coffee shop.) Unfortunately, he wasn't there, but we were still excited to see the hospital where all the celebs have their babies, Ketchup (the restaurant where Heidi and Spencer had a run in with LC and Jason...again, if you have no idea, just stop reading now) and LA Ink (the site of the Tatoo show LA Ink). Is is strange at 28 I'm excited by all this stuff? Don't answer that.
Okay back to the original story. We got to the studios around 2 o'clock and finally got to stand for another three hours before the actual taping. However, the cool part was I got chosen out of the pack to ask a question on TV. Apparently, that day they were going to have the kids from Kid Nation on. Kid Nation is this new reality show of kids living alone in a town, whining, making food, whining and doing stuff. My question was: what demographic were they trying to hit with this show? Come on, whining kids? Who's going to watch this show? Apparently, they liked my question and brought my party to the front. We were strategically seated on the aisle and prepped that Ellen would tap me for my question.
Speaking of strategically placing people...it was almost hilarious to watch them place people in "special seats." Some interns were very diplomatic about the whole thing, and others just cut to the chase about how they had to quickly hide these audience members. They must be paying these interns some pretty good money, because when I looked out I couldn't see a single He/She fan of Ellen. (that's my attempt at being diplomatic).
Anyway, the taping starts and Ellen comes dancing down the aisle right beneath us. You ever want to feel totally white? Stand in line for three hours, sit in a freezing studio and then point a camera on yourself as you attempt to dance with a bunch of mom jean lovin' women. It was pretty bad. Fortunately, it didn't last long and once Ellen took one step up the aisle next to me she was headed down.
After more forced dancing, the guests of Kid Nation came out. After a few minutes of interview Ellen came up our aisle and tapped the first woman for her question. It was a good question. (no shin kicking). However, the target of my story falls on the next woman. Ellen came up to her and all of the sudden the woman forgot how to speak. After each stutter, I knew my chances of being on TV were getting slimmer. Finally, after translating this poor woman's question Ellen promoted the show one more time and then cut to commercial. In an instance my hopes of being on TV were dashed. Fortunately, I had a really cool song to dance to and console my tears.
So again, I ask, "who invited that lady?"